Depression

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199704/the-truth-about-lying

“the people least likely to lie are those who score high on psychological scales of responsibility and those with meaningful same-sex friendships. In his book Lies! Lies!! Lies!!! The Psychology of Deceit (American Psychiatric Press, Inc.), psychiatrist Charles Ford, M.D., adds depressed people to that list. He suggests that individuals in the throes of depression seldom deceive others—or are deceived themselves—because they seem to perceive and describe reality with greater accuracy than others. Several studies show that depressed people delude themselves far less than their nondepressed peers about the amount of control they have over situations, and also about the effect they have on other people.”

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Culture: Japan vs. Western (Canada)

I have discovered that there are people, regardless of age, stay at home all day because of their fear going outside. They end up being alone in their rooms, usually at their parents’ home. Parents support them financially, while pondering how to help their children move forward. Most of the time, they have no idea what to do with it. They are afraid of the children’s actions if they forcibly tell children what they should do. These children are called Hikikomori. This is equivalent to someone who has mental problems and they are afraid to meet people, from the view of Western. Although I was heavily researching and wanted to know about the situation in Japan, I did not end up finding information on the correlation between suicidal rates and Hikikomori, as well as other extreme people, such as Otaku and crime committers, at the time of this writing. (June 26, 2015 15:03PM JST)

Now, how I can relate this to my own life…I would say my childhood was quite similar, driven by parents as most of these Hikikomori do. Most of them come from middle class families where parents can actually financially support them. I myself was depressed as well that I was lonely everyday and played games all day. I had trouble making friends and communicating. However, the difference was that I have always wanted to go outside, to avoid my family, so I can forget about it all and enjoy the day without worry. I had no problem meeting and hanging out with strangers. With the people I know, I just went, but without them having the desire to be friends with me. It was sad, but my personality made me that way, in which I wanted to forget past and move on with freedom. (15:06PM)

What I have found after 50 mins of previous post was that Hikikomori most likely mean that they have mental illness. From the Western point of view, this phenomenon can be same as one who has Asperger’s Syndrome, as one example. I particularly agree to what people have said online. Some of the traits fit me quite well. I am not a social person. People avoid me because I cannot pronounce words right and I speak too fast (I don’t like talking slow. This is probably due to my shyness or fear of talking for too long). Because people do not understand me, they attend to others who are easier to talk to. As a result, I virtually have no one to talk to and I end up being alone. There were few students who I was close to, during high school. Of the students who I actually made some connections with, all of them had few friends and they seem to be in their own world. They were usually minority – one of them were not attractive (very good English, but just obese) and another was newcomer to Canada, whose friends were again, newcomers, but not necessarily unattractive (this friend is pursuing PhD at a pretigious school in US now). I believe my case is that when I am interested in something, I cannot get my head off studying. But this is the case for everyone. Difference is that I have a dream for it; I actually want to make it happen – to establish a NPO in the field of wildlife conservation. Thereby, I can be a boring person when talking to people. And people think I am old – like 5-10 years older than my actual age. My socialization tend to be too factual, no comedy. I tend to say wrong things when I am not intending to. This is another symptom for Asperger’s. I would say my IQ is not low because I can think of many things intellectually, even I can say that. But of course, I cannot say that because I do not like showing off. I am now, my head thinking everywhere as usual, thinking of finding a phychologist or psychiatrist to perform a test on me to see what disorder I have and I would say it is probably Asperger’s. (4:06PM JST)

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Again, thanks to Betty Ming Liu, I have found this article about Jennifer Pan and the hit on her parents is quite related to me too, but my situation has never been that serious. I have lived with my mother most of my life instead of my father. If I were to live with my father, the situation is probably the same. My father is tiger dad and my mother is nonetheless the less stricter counterpart. I have great imagination where I have imagined hurting myself, committing suicide, and killing parents; but they are just imagination – I do not have the gut to do them in reality. I cannot imagine myself do that – I always think about future.

http://www.torontolife.com/informer/features/2015/07/22/jennifer-pan-revenge/

Aug 3, 2015 11:06AM JST